Epic's Epic Fail

(note: this is a proper rant, with cursing and shit, just for the lulz)

so, i can't make into the gaming industry because i lack the credentials (but not the skills!), but apperently a lot of fucking idiots can. like a certain guy who made a certain racing game.. but that's a story for another time. this time instead, i'm telling a story of some other iditos who made into the gaming industry, and their Epic Fail.

i've installed the Epic Store client thing, to try out some of the free games on there.
of course, i would never buy games on that store, or on Steam for that matter, because I think they are too DRM-y.

anyway..

first, let me say that the client is still bugged since the beginning (months ago) in that:
• it can't connect without the system-set proxy. in my machine i have set a bogus proxy to block at least all the connections from stupid programs that don't ask if they can connect or not, and they use the system proxy by default. not perfect, but still useful. to use the Epic crappy client, i always have to go to the Windows' control panel and change the setting.
• it basically embeds a browser (derived from Chrome or Firefox?) and so it's not a good thing security-wise, and also memory-wise.
• after an update it gets stuck in the login screen. i have to close and re-open the entire client.
• it doesn't allow me to install Super Meat Boy.

and that latter bug is the crux of this post.

ironically, i've got the Epic Store thing precisely to try Super Meat Boy, because i've fixed my Xbox 360 controller, and i wanted to try it with that game.
so.. i installed the client, "bought" the game for free, but then in the library it did show as "unavailable".

i obviously tried first the usual crap to restart the client, etc, etc.
then i decided to contact the Epic support.

here's the mail exchange:

I see the game as "unavailable". I've restarted the client a few times, but it stays like that.
I'm sure I've restarted the game launcher because I've checked with the task manager that it closes completely (including its sub-tasks).

(just to be clear, in this first mail, some infos are missing because they were in other fields of the support request form)

Thank you for contacting Epic Games Support! My name is bot1 and I will be glad to assist you today!

We sincerely apologize for the delay in our response. Due to a large influx of tickets, we are running a little behind, however, we are working hard to increase our engagement with the players.

As some time has passed since you have submitted your ticket, could you please confirm if the issue you described is still occurring?

If so, please kindly reply to this email and we will be happy to assist you further.

Have an Epic day!

of course there is a large influx of tickets: the client sucks!

Yes it's still unavailable.
I'm using Windows 7 32bit, but I don't think the OS is the problem, because for other games I see "OS unsupported", while Super Meat Boy says "unavailable".
Don't worry for the delay, I'm in no hurry, and I got the game for free anyway :p

Hello again,

Thank you for your response!

In order to resolve the issue you are currently facing, I kindly advise you to clear launcher cache and in order to do so, please follow the steps below:

1. Completely close Epic Games Program, check if any process is working in Task Manager
2. Press Win+R to open files explorer to search for %appdata%
3. In AppData folder locate Local
4. In there look for Epic Games Launcher
5. Go to Saved
6. In this folder you can find web cache and remove all of its content

AppData folder is hidden by default so here's a link how to view it:
--https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/help/4028316/windows-view-hidden-files-and-folders-in-windows-10

After you've done that fully restart your PC and see if the issue is fixed. If the issue is not fixed I will kindly advise you to reinstall the Launcher and see if issue persist, and if so, please send me a screenshot of the error.

Thank you so much for your time and cooperation, in advance, Puf.

Have an Epic day!

some quick points:
%appdata% points to C:\Users\xxxx\AppData\Roaming
• i've told him i use Windows 7, not 10, so the link is technically not the right one
• there is no need to restart the pc
so i re-installed the client...

Hi,
I've emptied the cache but it didn't solve the problem. I've also uninstalled and reinstalled the game launcher, with the same result.
I'm attaching a screenshot, but there's not much info on it.

Hello there,

Thank you for getting back to me!

To diagnose and best assist you with your issue, I need information about your computer. Please provide each of the requested files listed below, depending on your computer type. After you generate the requested files, please attach the files in your reply to this email. I'll review your issue and get back to you with next steps.

For Windows PC
Please provide the following four files listed below. See the linked FAQs for detailed steps on how to get each file.

--DxDiag - https://epicgames.helpshift.com/a/epic-games-store-and-launcher/?s=launcher-troubleshooting&f=how-do-i-run-a-directx-diagnostic&p=all
--Launcher Logs - https://epicgames.helpshift.com/a/epic-games-store-and-launcher/?s=launcher-troubleshooting&f=how-do-i-generate-my-epic-games-launcher-debug-logs&p=all
--MSINFO File - http://epic.gm/zbsur

For Mac
Please provide the following three files listed below. See the linked FAQs for detailed steps on how to get each file.

--Mac Sys Info - https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT203001
--Launcher Logs - https://epicgames.helpshift.com/a/epic-games-store-and-launcher/?s=launcher-troubleshooting&f=how-do-i-generate-epic-games-launcher-installer-logs&p=all

I will be expecting your reply!

here it's already clear that this guy is a fucking idiot.
either he's just parroting something he doesn't understand, or he doesn't see that the problem is most probably on their side. he has no clue what the fuck he's telling me to do.
also:
• he says he needs 4 files, and then he lists only 3.
• gives me the instruction for the Mac? wtf? who gives a fuck about the Macintrash? fuck it.
so i do all that work...
surprise! dxdiag for some reason crashes when trying to save the log. fortunately it can work headless and save the log automatically :P
nerdy note: when i removed the client the first time, there was a dxdiag log in the client's log dir. the client probably ran dxdiag in the background when it first installed or launched. unfortunately, it didn't do so when i re-installed it, for some reason.
and of course, i've removed all the sensitive shit from the system logs, like.. stuff i can't even talk about here. omg!
a massive waste of time.

Hi,
I've activated the debug logging and restarted the launcher. The only thing I did in the launcher was to open the library to show the "unavailable" game. Then I closed it, so that is all there should be in the log.

In your previous email you wrote to provide 4 files, but you listed only 3, so I guess it's 3?
In the attached zip I've put the logs from:
-dxdiag
-msinfo
-all the logs in C:\Users\xxxx\AppData\Local\EpicGamesLauncher\Saved\Logs

Thank you :)

Hello Champion,

I hope you're doing well!

My name is bot2 and I am more than happy to follow up on your query.

Thank you for the provided information. I would kindly ask you to give us a bit of time as we want to investigate your issue further in order to help you resolve it. In the meantime I suggest you to restart your router and PC as this sometimes helps.

We appreciate your patience and cooperation.

Best Regards,

who the fuck is "champion"? lol! these idiots are drunk since 8 am.
also, the name is what? ahahahahahhaha!! fucking faggot!

Hey there,

Thank you so much for your patience!

I believe that we've managed to fix your issue. Would you please restart your launcher and let me know if the game is now available for you?

I'm looking forward to hear back from you.

Meanwhile, have a lovely weekend!

lol, i like the passive-aggressive "lovely weekend", as in: we are not working in the week-end, teehee.
and you didn't fix shit. faggots.

Hi,
I've run the launcher once and the game was still unavailable.
Then I've emptied the cache, and run it again, with the same result.

Just for testing, I've tried to get one of the new free games, and it got added to the library without problems.
As a developer myself, my guess is that it's a bug in the launcher, or there is some issue on your side, because everything else seem to work ok here, and I don't think there is any corrupt data left, after reinstalling everything and cleaning the cache multiple times. I also don't think there is anything in my system that could have that peculiar interference that makes just that particular game unavailable, unless "unavailable" is the default text for some incompatibility (like "OS unsupported").

Anyway, I'm not in a hurry to play the game, so don't worry. If you have more steps you want me to take, that's ok, otherwise I'll wait for some bugfix in the future.

Thanks :)

here i give them a great explaination of what to do, because they can't figure out shit, but it's wasted energy. they are just too fucking dumb.
notice in my answer that i'm tired of doing some monkey tech dance on my side, where there is no problem. i'd gladly wait for them to fix their shitty client.
am i lovely or what?

Hello,

Thank you so much for the provided details and for you cooperation.

I apologise that we're taking so long to fix your issue. Would you please find your FortniteClient-Win64-Shipping.exe. Then right click on it and and select Properties, go to the Compatibility tab at the top, make sure to have checked the Compatibility mode to Windows 10/7 you can also try changing it to 8.

Let me know if there's any luck with this.

Sincerely,

what is that exe? fuck Fortnite and normie games!
also, the advice he/she/it gives me, doesn't make sense at all.
you cant make this shit up.

Hi,
I'm not using Fortnite, just the Games Launcher (the installer is EpicInstaller-10.3.1.msi).
Also, I'm already using Windows 7, so it should be ok, and of course it can't be changed to 8 or 10 compatibility, because they did not exist when Win 7 was made :)

hopefully they won't take offense on what i just wrote...

Hello Survivor,

Thank you for your reply, my name is bot3 and I have reviewed your case and I will be taking over for my colleague now.

Please understand that these settings don't have much to do with when the OS was introduced. This is exclusively a compatibility setting.

Could you please try the suggestion of my colleague and let me know if it worked for you?

Thank you in advance for your cooperation and understanding, I really appreciate it!

Kind Regards,

lol what? now it's bot3!
and who the fuck is "survivor"? well, at least it's an appropriate name for the poor customer, thanks to this meatgrinder support shit.
what to say about his reply? are you fucking retarded??? i've explained in the previous email why his colleague's suggestion was stupid as fuck. i could understand his comment if i didn't. but i did!
did you read what i wrote? do you not understand english? dumb fuck.

Hi,
As I said in my previous email, I *can't* set the compatibility for an OS that did not exist when mine was made.
How can Windows 7 know how to be compatible with Windows 10? ;)
The only compatibility I can set is backwards to Windows XP or even older, which I guess it's not the case to do :)

What we need is a more detailed debug log that shows why games are flagged as unavailable; which means I have to wait for a new version of the game launcher that supports it.
Don't worry if you can't fix my problem now, I wanted to try the game just to test my controller. I can wait, no problem :)

Thanks

i'm still super-gentle and helpful. basically i am giving support to them.
but anyway, here i go in full honk honk mode. i don't give a fuck anymore. leave me alone, retards.
fucking normies.

Hello Puf,

Thank you for your reply and understanding, I really appreciate it!

I will be escalating your case for further review and we will get back to you ASAP.

Thank you for your patience and understanding!

Best Regards,

Hi! We haven’t heard back from you and want to make sure we resolved your issue. If you’re still experiencing the issue, please let us know by responding to this email, so we can help. If you’re no longer having a problem, then no action is needed from you at this time. Thank you!

this is an automated reply that their support software probably sends when there is no mail activity on an open ticket.
but they told me to wait, so... do i reply? do i wait?
if their software was made correctly, it would track the state of the ticket and know who is waiting whom.
so i gamble and i reply..

Hi,
I've just checked, and the game is still unavailable.

Hello!

We’re investigating your issue further and will contact you when our research is completed, or if we need more information.

Thank you for your patience.

- bot4

fuck lol.. what now? a new idiot?
again.. they will contact me. ok then.

Hi! We haven’t heard back from you and want to make sure we resolved your issue. If you’re still experiencing the issue, please let us know by responding to this email, so we can help. If you’re no longer having a problem, then no action is needed from you at this time. Thank you!

and here it comes again!
this time i decide to wait..
and wait...
aaand waaaaiiittt......
etc.

after 6 weeks i give up because my ticket has probably expired. and it started 2 weeks prior, so in total i've waited 2 months.
of course, none of these four idiots reached me to ask if the problem is still there before closing the ticket. instead, i am the one who has to ping them constantly, so i pass for a pissed-off cunt.
the issue is still not fixed. it's probably a goddamn flag in their db, but they are too stupid to figure it out.
all four-levels-of-support stupid.
and i can't have a job in the industry, but they can. they are so much better than me. how can i dream to compare to their tech gangsta skillz?
this is one of those situations that really tells how "life is a shitshow", as a great philosopher said.

in the end i've managed to try the game, thanks to the scene.
the game controls suck, as i was suspecting, because it's like all other consolitis platform games.

morals of the story:
• Epic sucks
• developers of platform games are console lamers
• life is indeed a shitshow of unfairness ...